Personal Story: The God wound

There are moments in life when something clicks so deeply that it feels like your entire reality has shifted in an instant. For me, that moment happened during a retreat, in the quiet space between my thoughts and a blank page.

We had been asked to do a journaling practice. As I sat down to write, I instinctively put pen to paper and wrote the word Universe. But the moment the ink settled, I felt an rush of resistance within me. Something was off. A tightening in my chest, a whisper of dishonesty that I couldn’t ignore. I realized that Universe wasn’t the word I truly wanted to write. I had hesitated, substituting something safe for what I really meant. The discomfort grew louder.

So I excused myself from the group. I needed space
to sit with this feeling.

Alone in my room, I stared at the page, heart pounding. I let my mind slow down, and then, like a whispered secret from the depths of my soul, the word echoed back at me: GOD.

A wave of recognition crashed over me, leaving me breathless, and tears streamed down my cheeks. tears came down my cheeks. The revelation was so beautiful that I had to pause and catch my breath. It’s something that you just can’t Unsee.

I realized in that moment that my resistance wasn’t to the Divine itself, but to the idea of God that had been imprinted on me throughout my life: the image of a patriarchal, punishing figure.

A God that instilled fear rather than love. A God that demanded obedience rather than intimacy.

A God that felt so foreign to the truth I had always known deep inside me. Growing up as the only child in the household I often times found myself alone in my room feeling like I was never alone because I felt this love of God even if I wasn’t aware of it.

the root of my Creator Wound—a subconscious rejection of something I deeply longed for. I had distanced myself from the word God because of what I had been taught it meant. But in that moment, something in me cracked open. It became clear that my soul had never turned away from the Divine. It had only been rejecting the distorted version of it that I had inherited. For many of us who weren’t raised with a strong religious foundation, there is an unspoken seeking that takes hold as we grow older. We begin to realize that the world is not as we once believed it to be. We lose our innocence, and in that loss, we start searching. Some of us turn to philosophy, to art, to nature, to spiritual teachings. Others numb the ache with distractions, afraid to confront the void within.

But what if the void was never a lack, but an invitation?

An invitation to unlearn, to deconstruct, and to reclaim our connection to the Divine on our own terms. I now see that the Creator Wound is something many of us carry. It manifests as resistance to stepping into our creative power, to trusting the unseen, to fully embracing the flow of life. It stems from the fear that if we create, if we channel, if we open ourselves to the vastness of what is, we might somehow be overstepping, doing something wrong, or betraying some unseen authority.

But the truth is, we are not separate from creation. We are creation. And the force that moves through us when we create, when we write, when we dance, when we bring our dreams to life, is the same force that breathed the universe into existence. The same force that whispered God onto my journal page.

Reclaiming our relationship with the Divine is one of the most liberating journeys we can embark on. And for me, it started with a single word, waiting patiently for me to be ready to see it.

So I excused myself from the group. I needed space
to sit with this feeling.

But what if the void was never a lack, but an invitation?

So I ask you: what words are waiting for you? What truth is lays just beyond your resistance, waiting to be remembered?

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