I had everything I was supposed to want. But deep down I knew my Soul wanted more out of life.
The diploma, the boyfriend, the apartment, a circle of friends, the kind of life that looked great on paper and society’s standards. But something was missing at the age of 25. I should have felt content, fulfilled even, yet deep down, I was restless. After my graduation and years of focusing on getting my diploma months went by and it felt like I crashed hard into nothingness. Unhappy. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was just going through the motions, living a life that wasn’t truly mine.
And then, plot twist..that chapter of my life all came to an end. My 7-year relationship ended and the foundation I had built started to crumble, and suddenly, It all felt like I had nothing to hold onto anymore.
But looking back, that was exactly one of my biggest blessings.
With nothing tying me down, I did something that both terrified and excited me: I booked a one-way ticket to Southeast Asia. I didn’t know exactly what I was searching for, only that I couldn’t keep living the way I had been. And that my Soul was longing for adventure and expansion. This just felt so RIGHT.
So I packed my bags, left behind everything familiar, and set out on a nine-month journey, starting with two months alongside my friend from school. I still remember that moment we took off with the plane so vividly: the weight of leaving behind everything I once knew, my family, my old life. It was both the most freeing thing I had ever experienced and it also felt heartbreaking all at once because I just didn’t know exactly when I would come back.
I wandered through the ancient temples of Angkor Wat, played volleyball on the beach with monks in Vietnam, and sat atop 2,000-year-old monasteries in Myanmar, finding the most epic spots to watch the sunset. Drove for hours with a motorbike in between the legendary mountain roads in the North of Thailand, even survived a motorbike accident or two.. 😛
It felt like life had suddenly transformed into one big hero’s journey, like I was living out my own legend in a Paulo Coelho novel.
With every step, life unfolded in unexpected ways, full of surprises that called me to trust and to surrender to the unknown. When my friend from school went her own way, I found myself truly alone for the first time.
There were days when I couldn’t quite understand my own inner compass as well, I felt a bit lost with no sense of direction. Where was I supposed to go, what was my path? But I started to realize that life was always speaking to me, constantly giving me feedback on where to go and who I was meant to meet.
“Trust the signs” became my mantra. – Even when you don’t fully see it. -yet.
Every encounter felt guided, as if orchestrated by something greater than myself. Some days, I found myself in deep philosophical conversations talking about ‘God’ and life with complete strangers; other times, I met fellow travelers who became my companions for weeks, our paths intertwining for just the right moment in time.
What I came to realize along my travels was that I had always been searching for something Sacred. A deeper meaning of life and a sense of belonging in this world. .
At first, I thought I would find it in faraway places, in hidden temples or quiet beaches. But what I was really searching for was something much closer: a home within myself.
Because home isn’t a place. It’s a feeling. And for the first time, I was learning to find it inside myself wherever I went..
These are my biggest lessons that I collected
along the years of traveling:
Life is your Greatest Teacher
Every experience, whether planned or unexpected, carries a lesson. I learned to trust in the unfolding of life, understanding that even uncertainty has meaning. And sometimes when YOU are the one making plans it doesn’t necessarily match with the plan your Soul and God has for your life.
You are never truly alone
Even in moments of solitude, life has a way of bringing the right people at the right time, whether through deep conversations with strangers or meeting travel companions who became part of my journey. Some conversations I still remember till this day and continue to shape me.
Trust your inner compass
Sometimes it feels like your inner compass is broken, keep asking questions, keep asking for signs and the guidance will always nudge you forward to where you have to go.
Contentment comes from within
At first, I thought I was searching for something out in the world. But the deeper I traveled, the more I realized, what I had been looking for all along was a feeling within myself. A sense of home, not tied to a place, a person, or a title, but to the peace I was finally creating inside.
The Path of the Soul can be Unpredictable (And That’s the Beauty of It)
What started as a leap of faith turned into my own hero’s journey, much like a Paulo Coelho novel. I no longer needed to have all the answers all the time. I just had to keep saying YES -to life, to trust, lean into the unknown knowing that everything is always unfolding exactly as it is meant to.
Now, I’ve made a home out of myself. I’ve learned and still learning to create peace and contentment within, and from that space, I’ve found the freedom to live between two countries that connect to my roots, Indonesia and The Netherlands. My life now flows between these two places, each offering its own kind of energy and lessons, while I remain grounded in the home I’ve built inside me.
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